Shit Backpackers Say

Be warned: The post is filled with beautiful language I used for comedic purposes. Please do not be offended by it.

When you have been traveling for almost 3 years, you are bound to meet some obnoxious people at one point. Last week, I had the opportunity to experience the full moon party on Koh Phangan. The whole experience was alien to me and deserves a separate article about it, but during my time on the island, I had a chance to peek into these people's minds, and boy, was it not worth it.

Imagine a guy named Steve. He is a white, buff dude with visible tattoos on his right shoulder and chest. He loves to wear neon-colored tank tops and walks around the island half-naked. He also loves to party and get high on life (drugs). These are the things Steve likes to say.

1. "I Had the Best Night Ever!"

I asked Steve, "What did you do last night?" and he replied, "Dude, I was so drunk I did not remember a thing!" Now, one has to wonder, how the fuck did he have the best night ever if he could not remember anything the next morning?

2. "Dude, I was so hungover I slept all day today."

Good for you, Steve. Good for you. You basically spent your limited days in Thailand on a night you don't remember and the next day recovering from it. It really sounds like you had a great time!

3. "Oh, I'm going to stay in Thailand forever."

Sure you will, Steve. I'm sure the immigration police will love to hear how much you want to stay in Thailand and party away your life in your prison cell.

4. "I will never stop traveling."

Until you have to go back to your country, grind your way through college, join the rat race to become a functional citizen, and never backpack again, I've heard this before.

5. "I'm gonna sleep with a local tonight."

I love how determined you are, Steve. I also love how you say you like traveling because you love to experience new cultures and want to make the world a better place, yet you treat the locals as though they are sex objects.

6. "Oh man, this reminds me of the time.."

Here we go again. Steve, can you at least let the person talking finish his or her story?

7. "No, no, no! I'm not gonna pay a 100 baht for a taxi."

I know the price is ridiculous, especially on Koh Phangan, but wasn't that the price you agreed upon before getting in the taxi? Everyone is paying the same amount, and you don't see them making a fuss about it.

8. "Oh everyone eats insects in Thailand"

No way. I've been living in Bangkok for over 20 years, and I ate insects once as a dare. The only place where I found insects being sold is on Khao Sarn Road, which is known as the Backpacker's street. They sell it there because they know that only tourists like Steve would be crazy enough to try it. We actually laugh at people like Steve who have tried it and think that everyone in Thailand eats it. You are the only one foolish enough to eat it, Steve.

9. "Fucking Thai people, they are all the same."

Steve, you are a racist.

10. "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi"

Do you really have to chant that around the island in a taxi while pounding on the side of the pickup truck like a maniac every time you get drunk? It's fucking annoying, and it is disturbing and disrespecting the locals!

Don't be like Steve

Don't get me wrong, I am a backpacker myself, and throughout the years, I may have done a couple of things listed above, but that doesn't mean one cannot change and grow out of it. Don't be like Steve.

P.S. If your name is Steve, I apologize! I needed a name, and Steve came to mind first.